All keyed up  

How do people get so many keys? At what point did my key ring start to resemble the school custodian's or Schneider on that show "One Day at a Time?" This is getting ridiculous. For most of my life, I got away with carrying one key - to my house - and that resided in a zippered pocket somewhere in the recesses of my backpack. In college, I could pretty much fit everything I needed on a lanyard around my neck - standard student-issue. Well, not anymore. Some of us have keys to houses we no longer live in, to vehicles we no longer own, or to luggage that we had 20 years ago - and there's always that one mystery key that makes you scratch your head and wonder what it goes to, but you're too afraid to throw it out in case it unlocks something important. And then - you know who you are - we compound this key free-for-all by attaching charms, little stuffed animals, bottle openers, LED lights and so on until these devices that unlock parts of our life resemble a certifiable weapon. Watch out for the lady who has visited every theme park in the United States - she's packing. Wish I had a key that would unlock the mysteries of life, success and happiness - now that would be useful. - by Victoria Stanish, Daily Press Editor